I lost my mom last week.
She passed away on Thursday, April 23rd, 2020 at 6:10pm PDT in Joshua Tree, California. She lived a short and fulfilled life. She was 66.
I’m keeping this short and will publish this quickly for two reasons:
- I try perfect everything I show the public and this is not something I want to land in my large pile of draft work
- I am emotionally raw and cannot focus on this subject for too long without crying or feeling alone
Last week was one of the most difficult weeks of my life. I knew my mom’s passing was coming, I just didn’t know when or how it would occur. I was ill prepared only because dealing with the end of life wasn’t something I could completely psychologically prepare for. For those that are close to me, they would know that I am not one to be hampered by hardship or challenging times. I am the responsible, resilient, caring, and loving one that you want in your corner. This week drown me in painful decide NOW chaos.
My mother’s ER visit and brief hospice visit undercut me. While I retained most of my best qualities, I realized that I was running them AND continue to run them on emergency energy reserves. It is the support from family, friends, and the kindness of complete strangers in Joshua Tree and 29 Palms that has helped me continue. My mother failed to ask for help for most of her life and I’ve recently realized that I cannot survive without it. I’ve allowed people to help me. I’ve starting asking for help. I don’t have to be in this storm alone.
One of my biggest learnings came from a very personal Empathy Morning practice that I held the day before what became my mother’s last. A group of people, some friends, some strangers, from all over the world joined me on Zoom to talk about weathering their own storms.
We all agreed to make the space safe.
I shared. I cried. They shared. They cried. We laughed. We learned. We leaned on each other.
Storms are weathered best together. Together in a safe refuge from the storm outside. Safe from the judgement of others with everyone present as the best storylisteners each of them can be. Energy, in these safe spaces amongst storylisteners can easily be shared!
So, I cannot do this alone. I need you. It’s not a give-and-take, it’s a give.
If you need me, call me
No matter where you are
No matter how far
Just call my name
I’ll be there in a hurry
On that you can depend and never worryMarvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell – Ain’t No Mountain High Enough
With energy and love,